a Gangster Return To Highschool, Chapter 04
Chapter 04
December 20, 20XX
I don't know why it turned out this way. Is liking someone such a big mistake? I didn't steal money or hit anyone, so why does everyone treat me, not Hong Jaemin, like this? I didn't do anything to them, yet they avoid me, not Hong Jae-min.
It feels like everyone in school is talking about me. They whisper when they see me. I'm scared. I wish I didn't have a heart. I don't want to go to school. I want to run away. I don't want to be here. I want to stop. I'm exhausted. I want to give up everything. I don't know why I have to keep living.
December 11, 20XX
I threw away my Chupa Chups.
December 9, 20XX
When I entered the bathroom, the kids inside came out. They said they didn't want to share the bathroom with a gay kid. They claimed I would get aroused looking at their genitals. I didn't even know those kids. Yet, they knew I was gay.
As Kim Deuk-pal read the diary, he felt a choking sensation and touched his neck. His fingers, which had been hovering in the air, swiped the screen to the side. The pages flashed by, leaving afterimages, stopping at the first entry from March 14 of that year.
March 14, 20XX
Se-kyung gave me candy. It was part of a White Day event organized by the student council, but I got mine from Se-kyung. It was a strawberry-flavored Chupa Chups. I'm writing this so I won't forget.
March 21, 20XX
I thought being in the same class as Hong Jae-min would ruin my sophomore year, but from my seat, I can see Se-kyung's class. At least until they change our seats, I can see Se-kyung sitting by the opposite window, smiling with his chin resting on his hand.
March 30, 20XX
He's beautiful. He's handsome. He's kind. He laughs a lot. He has a nice voice.
He's tall. He's good at studying. He smells good. He's fair.
Se-kyung. Choi Se-kyung.
I want to call out to him.
Se-kyung.
April 9, 20XX
Does Se-kyung know of my existence? I wish he would call out my name. I want to go to the same university as him. Maybe if I choose an unpopular major, I can just make it into the same university as Se-kyung?
April 13, 20XX
I found the hidden mock exam score sheet by the butler. I got scolded for having low scores. My grade went up, though. Se-kyung said the March mock was hard too. The butler, who doesn't care about me, never lets go when he finds something to scold me about. I wish he would just stop. I'm sick of it. If it's so hard because of me and my mom, just leave. Please, don't give mom alcohol.
April 26, 20XX
I realized why mom clings to the chairman. Just like how I like Se-kyung, mom likes the chairman. For the first time, I didn't hate that she only looks for the chairman. I guess because I'm sneakily watching Se-kyung too.
May 2, 20XX
I tried to find a moment when Se-kyung was alone to talk to him, but he's never alone. He's always surrounded by friends. Now that I think about it, it's probably better that I didn't talk to him. Being friends with me would only lower his status.
May 15, 20XX
Sunday. Weekend. I want to get out of this house.
June 3, 20XX
Se-kyung caught Hong Jae-min stealing my wallet. I'm so embarrassed. I can't forget his awkward laughing face. How pathetic must I have looked? Thanks to Se-kyung stepping in, I didn't lose my money, but I'd rather have lost it. I feel like crying.
June 10, 20XX
Hong Jae-min's gang is persistent. Before, they'd beat me up after taking my money and let me go, but today they didn't let me go even when class started. Do they think I reported them for school violence? It wasn't me. I'm worried.
July 1, 20XX
They only hit where it doesn't show. My stomach and thighs are mottled. It hurts even if you just touch it. Even if I cover my ears, I can hear Hong Jae-min's laughter. Even at home, his laughter echoes around.
July 9, 20XX They told me to buy alcohol. I brought my mom's alcohol, but when they asked for cigarettes, I said I didn't smoke. I stole cigarettes from the store Hong
Jae-min told me about.
July 28, 20XX
Why do we have to do supplementary lessons during vacation?
August 24, 20XX
I had a parent-teacher meeting. They said I smelled like cigarettes. No one believed me when I said I didn't smoke. The butler came instead of my mom. He said if it's revealed that the chairman is my real father, he won't leave me unscathed. What more can happen here? It hurts. I'm in pain.
August 26, 20XX
I might have been hit wrongly; my legs have no strength.
August 29, 20XX
The butler warned that the uniform was dirty. He said not to show off by studying and that no disturbance would be tolerated.
September 2, 20XX
While I was getting beaten, Se-kyung came back from Canada, tanned and taller. He said he wanted to eat kimchi fried rice from the snack bar in front of the school. I watched him leave the school gate with friends instead of going to the cafeteria.
September 11, 20XX
Vacation was over. I don't want Se-kyung to see me getting beaten. It's worse than the beating itself. I wish I wasn't here. I want to stuff my body into a locker where no one can see.
September 20, 20XX
Hong Jae-min found out.
October 28, 20XX
Hong Jae-min broke his promise. Now everyone in the class knows I like Sekyung.
November 26, 20XX
I can hear whispers as I walk down the corridor. I'm scared Se-kyung will find out. I'm scared he'll be disgusted to learn that someone like me likes him.
December 9, 20XX
When I entered the bathroom, the kids inside left, saying they didn't want to use the bathroom with a gay kid. They said I would get an erection looking at their genitals. I had never seen these kids before. They were from a different grade, but they knew I was gay.
December 14, 20XX
I threw away my Chupa Chups.
December 20, 20XX
I don't know why it turned out like this. Is it such a big sin to like someone? I haven't stolen money or hit anyone, so why are they all doing this to me instead of to Hong Jae-min? I didn't do anything to them, yet they avoid me, not Hong Jae-min.
It feels like everyone in the school is talking about me. They whisper when they see me. I'm scared. I wish I didn't have a heart. I don't want to go to school. I want to run away. I don't want to be here. I want to stop. I'm exhausted. I want to end everything. I don't know why I have to keep living.
"You sons of bitches..."
After re-reading the diary to the last page, Kim Deuk-pal ground his teeth. The hand gripping the tablet trembled, the veins prominent; if it had been his body, the screen would have cracked by now, but Song I-heon's body lacked the strength.
Although the entries were sparse and not exhaustive, the situation was clear from the brief writings.
School violence and outing. Song I-heon had been driven to climb up the overpass because of these two issues.
Kim Deuk-pal, despite being a gangster, was just; he couldn't just pass by someone in trouble. The people who collapsed and cried at his funeral were those he had helped in his lifetime, showing how wide his caring nature was. Naturally, he wouldn't overlook Song I-heon's situation either.
"Hey."
Kim Deuk-pal called out to Song I-heon reflected in the now black tablet screen.
After reading the diary, the sad eyes and the mouth set in fear looked more pitiful than pathetic. How badly must they have cornered him to make him think of death at such a young age? Feeling as if he had been bullied himself, Kim Deuk-pal spoke up in anger.
"I'll take care of this body until you return. It's quite useful. Since I couldn't go to school, my wish is to step onto a school campus. I’ll study, enjoy my youth, fulfill my wish, and when you come back, I'll ascend. But-"
Kim Deuk-pal's eyes sharpened like those of a predator about to hunt. His usually gloomy eyes became so sharp they were unrecognizable as the same ones. "I'll get revenge on those who tormented you."
...
The New Year had begun. Kim Deuk-pal was experiencing his second 19th year in Song I-heon's body. Although there was the condition that he would return Song Iheon's body when his soul came back, since deciding to live as Song I-heon, he was gradually adapting.
It was daunting since his real body had been destroyed, but to be honest, he preferred this youthful body with its vibrant cells over his old one, which ached with every joint on rainy days.
"Age is the real undefeated boss."
After finishing his medical checkup, he twisted his upper body from side to side. As the doctor had said, his bones were healing well, and there was little pain. If it had been his own body, even after drinking a bowl of bone broth, he would have needed absolute rest for his broken ribs to heal, but the young teenage body showed miraculous recovery.
Proudly, Kim Deuk-pal draped a black padded coat over his shoulders, similar in design to what he had seen students wearing from the car on the day of the overpass accident. Despite the effort of borrowing a coat from a nurse to go out and buy it, he was proud enough to suppress the urge to grin.
Having decided to live as Song I-heon, he intended to do everything he wanted, and he was already enjoying Song I-heon's life.
After getting his leave pass checked at the lobby counter and stepping out through the revolving door, the cold wind tousled his fine hair. Kim Deuk-pal carefully pushed the IV stand to avoid it getting caught on the uneven pavement, making his way to the beauty salon he had noticed from his hospital room.
"Welcome!"
Kim Deuk-pal instinctively felt a resistance to the cheerful greeting, being used to the gruff barbers who would cut, shampoo, and shave in one go. The friendliness here gave him goosebumps, but as a former gangster, he wasn't one to back down from such niceties.
The hair salon employee approached with a friendly smile towards Kim Deuk-pal, or rather, the teenage boy Song I-heon.
"Is this your first time here? What would you like to do?"
"Ah, yes, I’d like a haircut..."
"Oh~ A haircut. A cut. What style do you want? Oh, are you a student? Are you a trainee from a nearby agency? You're so handsome."
"No, that's not..."
Forget about the gangster's pride; Kim Deuk-pal stammered. His usual barbershop would have him sit down and handle everything swiftly, but at this upscale salon in the busy district, the employee seated him and kept chatting, nearly overwhelming him.
Meanwhile, the employee, noting something good about Kim Deuk-pal's hair, kept pulling at his sideburns.
"Look at how healthy your hair is. It would take well to a perm. Have you dyed it? Well, rules aren't as strict these days, right? A slight perm would look perfect. It's too good to just cut."
As the employee lifted his bangs to assess his hair style, after a brief moment of admiration, he started to persuade him.
"Wow, your are really handsome. Do you have an Instagram? If you post a photo with a perm from our shop, I can give you a big discount on the model fee and employee discount, how about a perm?"
Thinking this guy talks a lot, Kim Deuk-pal regained his composure and glared into the mirror.
"Shave."
"...Huh?"
With this bold request, the attitudes of both changed. Kim Deuk-pal firmly insisted to the dazed hair salon employee.
"I'm a senior in high school, I need to study. Shave it all."
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