Pitbabe S2, Chapter 13 pg4

 Pitbabe S2, Chapter 13 pg4

   “How do you know it’d be better?”

   “Because nothing could be worse than this.”

   It’s funny how I dared to claim I knew Babe inside and out, that I understood him completely. In reality, it was just a ridiculous story I’d made up. I don’t know anything. I didn’t even realize this was Babe’s lowest moment. I thought this was just a small obstacle, a minor hiccup that might cause a fight but that we’d eventually make up from, like always.

   I was wrong.

   Completely wrong.

   “Listen, Charlie.”

   Babe was about to say something serious. I could feel it. The emotions that had built up until just now hadn’t faded; Babe was just holding them back so I wouldn’t assume what he was about to say came from reckless impulsiveness.

   “I love you, you know. So much.” Babe’s eyes were filled with sorrow. I hated that he was telling me he loved me with eyes like that. “I love you too much… so much that I can’t stand being less important than everything else in your life.”

   “But you’re not less important…”

   “I can’t take it anymore, seriously. If you don’t choose, I’ll lose my mind first.”

   It’s human nature to make decisions in life, from small things like what to eat today, whether to wear a white or green shirt, whether to go straight home after work or stop by the supermarket, to big things like choosing to study medicine or literature, where to invest savings, how to allocate a country’s budget, whether to sentence someone to prison or death, whether to stop shooting or keep killing innocent people.

   I’ve made decisions my whole life, big and small. Some were right, some were mistakes. Some I regretted at first but later thanked my past self for, some I was proud of but soon cursed my own stupidity over. It’s all part of being human—until today.

   “Be a hero who saves everyone, or be my boyfriend.”

   I was never prepared for the day I’d have to decide this.

   “Choose… right obligated.”

   Everything went still, so quiet that I noticed the house was unusually silent, not at all like a place where nearly ten people were partying. I think everyone must have heard me and Babe arguing. Of course they did—we were throwing emotions at each other, both of us shouting at the top of our lungs to vent the pent-up anger in our hearts. The two of us ruined the party, and now they’re probably watching from a distance, worried and curious at the same time.

   If they heard what we’re talking about now, I bet everyone would want to know how I’ll answer this question.

   I want to know too—what’s the right answer? I wish someone smarter than me was standing here, right beside me, whispering what I should say so this nightmare could end. I want to wake up already.

   “Okay,” Babe’s voice was like a breeze slipping through a door cracked open less than an inch—soft, faint, and heavy. “I get it.”

   He nodded slowly, tears streaming down his cheeks and falling to the ground. Babe quickly wiped them away, as if afraid I’d rush to wipe them for him like I always do.

   “I understand everything now.”

   Babe took my silence as my answer. The light in his eyes went out, tears welling up until I could barely see their reflection. I felt like I was standing at the edge of a cliff, a hungry bear ready to tear me apart behind me, and an old, creaking wooden bridge that couldn’t hold my weight in front of me.

   This isn’t about survival. I just have to choose how I’m going to die.

   Babe turned and strode away from me. He pulled the car remote from his pants pocket, pressing the unlock button before even reaching the vehicle. When I saw he was leaving, my legs moved on their own, my heart pounding so hard it felt like it might shatter. I thought I’d made my decision, but seeing him go filled me with dread. I ran after him, heedless of the bridge crumbling under the weight of my own steps.

   “Babe!” I grabbed the car door, yanking it to open it, while Babe pulled back with all his strength. “Wait! Listen first!”

   “No!” The car’s owner shouted, then shoved me hard, sending me crashing to the ground. “Go die somewhere else!”

   With that curse, the luxury car’s door slammed shut with a deafening bang, and it sped off as fast as if it were on a racetrack. I sat there on the hard concrete, too weak to even prop myself up. Tears streamed down my cheeks. Suddenly, the air that once flowed normally into my lungs faltered. I felt like I couldn’t breathe fully, a sharp pain stabbing through my chest. I clutched at it, knowing full well it wouldn’t help.

   It was just like what Dr. Chris once told me about broken heart syndrome. He said it wasn’t just emotional pain—the word “hurt” wasn’t just a metaphor for mental anguish. It was real physical pain. The heart’s ability to pump weakens suddenly, and a crushing weight presses on your chest, making it feel like you could actually die.

   Today, I understood what he meant.

   “Charlie!”

   Jeff’s voice rang out nearby. He ran toward me as I sat struggling to breathe, fighting my own lungs. It wasn’t far off from what I’d imagined—Jeff had probably been watching from the start. That’s why he rushed over the moment he saw his older brother on the verge of collapsing, having just ended things with his first love without any preparation.

   “Charlie,” my younger brother knelt in front of me, pulling me into a hug. I didn’t hug back. I didn’t feel the warmth of his embrace. I felt nothing at all. My mind was consumed with the image of Babe’s tear-streaked face before he drove away. “It’s okay… it’s okay.”

   “He’s gone…” My voice trembled, and it wasn’t just my voice—my entire body was shaking pathetically. “Babe… he’s gone.”

   “Calm down, and you can talk later. Right now, Phii Babe is still angry.”

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