Pitbabe S2, Chapter 13 pg6

 Pitbabe S2, Chapter 13 pg6

   I understood what he meant. No one here knew Charlie better or cared for him more than Jeff. Even though he said to let him go, the air around Jeff screamed that he couldn’t fully let go. Especially now, with everyone else gone, Jeff looked like a parent who’d just picked up their kid from the police station. He wasn’t trying to act calm like before.

   “They’ll work it out, right?” I sat next to Jeff, pulling the kid who was practically melting into a puddle to lean against my chest. At least I could be his backrest. “Those two are always fighting anyway.”

   “I don’t know,” Jeff replied wearily. “This time feels different. You saw it too.”

   “But this is Charlie and Babe,” I said, gently rubbing Jeff’s head, trying to match his mood. Though deep down, I felt a hollow pang at the thought that tomorrow, it might just be Charlie and Babe—not Charlie with Babe like it’s always been. “They can’t break up.”

   “Anything can happen.”

   “You really think they’ll break up for real?”

   “And you think they’ll never break up?”

   “To be honest, I’ve never thought they could break up,” I admitted. “Sure, they fight a lot, but I’ve never felt like they don’t love each other. They seem to enjoy fighting, like the more they clash, the more they love each other. Charlie gives in to Babe, and Babe has moments where he gives in to Charlie too. I just can’t picture them breaking up.”

   “Hmm… I agree. They love each other a lot.”

   “A ton. Babe loves Charlie to death. Since they got together, he’s changed so much. I don’t think he could ever leave Charlie.”

   “Charlie loves Phii Babe just as much,” we both spoke for our respective brothers, as close observers. I thought my understanding wasn’t far from reality, but when it came to relationships, Jeff always had a sharper eye. “But the way Phii Babe and Charlie love each other—it’s not the same.”

   “What do you mean?”

   “Phii Babe loves in a possessive way, wanting to keep Charlie close all the time. He’d do anything to make sure Charlie stays with him,” Jeff said slowly, as if these were truths he’d long realized, and I was the one who hadn’t looked deep enough. “But Charlie loves in a protective way, wanting to care for him, to be there, but if staying isn’t good, he’d rather not stay at all.”

   Jeff’s explanation gradually painted a picture in my mind, piecing together experiences and perspectives until I started to understand what he was getting at.

   “Phii Babe would want to die without Charlie, but Charlie would die to ensure Phii Babe lives.”

   Sometimes I think Jeff already knows everything. These matters are heavy but not surprising to him.

   “If you imagine an action movie, a fight scene, Phii Babe would shoot anyone aiming at Charlie, but Charlie would shoot everyone with a gun except Phii Babe.”

   Suddenly, I thought love is so complex it’s chilling. It’s not just love or no love; its concept is vast like an ocean, the surface smooth, a horizon stretching across the world. But it’s so hard to know what’s beneath—sometimes volcanoes, sometimes trenches, sometimes shipwrecks, sometimes ancient cities, sometimes rare schools of fish, sometimes empty, desolate voids, sometimes cold currents, sometimes warm waters. There’s no way to know what’s down there until you dive in and see it for yourself.

   “They see it differently. They focus on different things.”

   “Babe only sees Charlie,” I nodded slowly, picturing it in my mind, “but Charlie sees everything around Babe.”

   “Yeah, exactly,” Jeff replied calmly. “In the end, Babe might want to reconcile because he can’t live without Charlie, but Charlie wouldn’t dare return, afraid of hurting Phii Babe again.”

   “Charlie’s such a hero it’s annoying.”

   “Nah, Charlie’s scared of pain too. If Phii Babe hurts, Charlie hurts. No one wants pain. It seems like he’s protecting Phii Babe, but really, he’s protecting himself too.”

   If love only comes in two forms, like Charlie’s and Babe’s, I wonder which I’d be. Would I chain myself to Jeff, or be ready to let him go the day I cause him pain? I try to imagine it but can’t. All I know is I’m not ready to lose him now. But if it comes to that, would the future me accept loss better? The more I think, the more I feel like I’m sinking into a bottomless well, plunging deeper without ever reaching the end. It’s terrifying and lonely, so I hold Jeff tighter.

   “If one day we face a choice like those two, what would you choose?” I asked Jeff, hoping his answer might fill the hollow ache in my heart. “Would you choose to leave me?”

   “Depends on what happens if I stay.”

   “If staying means you’d be more exhausted, overthinking, and we’d fight more.”

   “And do you want Jeff to stay?”

   “Of course I do.”

   “In every case?” Jeff looked up at me, eyes wide. He looked so endearing, even in this fragile state.

   “Every case.”

   Jeff lowered his eyes, seemingly deep in thought. Even though it was just a question from a hypothetical scenario, which was probably for the best, because even if it was borrowed from someone else’s story, his answer would likely affect my state of mind quite a bit.

   “If you’re tired but you’re okay, I will stay,” Jeff answered without hesitation after a moment of consideration. “But if I is the one who’s tired, I will leave.”

   “Huh, what’s that supposed to mean?”

   “Well, you might be okay with being tired, but I’m not.”

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