Pitbabe S2, Chapter 15 pg2

 Pitbabe S2, Chapter 15 pg2

   “Huh? No way.”

   “Why not?”

   “Because we broke up.”

   “I know. Why else would I tell you to go beg?” Jeff looked at me like I’m an idiot, and I can’t exactly deny the accusation. My reactions right now fit the bill—blabbering nonsense, my brain’s logic center suddenly out of order. “I’m saying this because I don’t want you to suffer. If life without him is this hard, just go back. Figure the rest out later.”

   “Figure it out how?”

   “Has what you’ve been doing all along really not worked?”

   “And do you think things have gotten better?”

   I know Jeff gets it. To Babe, I might seem overreacting, protecting him more than necessary. He’s someone who embraces every risk, so he doesn’t see it as a problem. Babe’s never been afraid of living or dying. He just lives each day as he pleases, thinking, if he gets hurt, he’ll heal; if it’s time to die, then he’ll die. But for me, it’s not “just that.” My life hangs on every breath and step Babe takes. I couldn’t live happily knowing that today he might get hurt again, or today I might lose him.

   If my work succeeds, I’ll help so many people, but most importantly, Babe will finally live the life he truly deserves—not just scraping by each day, waking up to gamble on how the next one will go.

   By then, Babe won’t even need me anymore.

   “And it’s not just Babe who’d benefit—you would too, if this works.”

   “I know. I want you to succeed too. I’m sick of being a fortune-teller,” Jeff grumbled, deadpan. This kid is one of the reasons I’m driven to find a way to suppress senses. From the start, Jeff’s been clear he hates his sense. He sees more downsides than upsides, and I get why he feels that way. His sense is strong and seemingly useful, so it draws extra attention. Even Tony wants Jeff back in the house. It’s no surprise everyone thinks that way—people who want to exploit others’ powers don’t care about the risks the bearer faces. They only see what they can gain, never considering what Jeff has to lose. “But I thought there’d be a way to succeed without you sacrificing this much.”

   “I thought so too at first, but now there isn’t, is there?” I said, sounding resigned, though trust me, I’m not that strong. With a face like mine, what could I possibly be at peace with? “Can’t blame Babe either. He’s put up with a lot. For him to even think about breaking up, he must’ve been hurt plenty already. He wouldn’t have said it otherwise.”

   “So if everything gets better, would you go back?”

   “I’m done.”

   I don’t know how much it would hurt Babe to hear an answer like that, but it’s the most honest thing I can offer him. The best thing I can do for him is to not go back and hurt him again. It’s not just about what’s happening now—it’s everything from the past, from the very first day I approached him. Babe has been hurt over and over again. Breaking up is the only way he can escape this cycle. So what reason could someone like me, the source of the problem, have to go back and ruin his life again? Shouldn’t I at least have some conscience?

   “You’ll never meet someone like Phii Babe again.”

   Jeff never sugarcoats things, and everything he says is true. Even without any special intuition, Jeff is still that kind of kid.

   “I know. That’s why it hurts.”

   “You’re going to hurt for a long time.”

   “I know that too.”

   “When he gets a new boyfriend, you’re done for.”

   “Are you seriously not going to give me any encouragement?”

   Jeff shook his head instead of answering. I already knew what this kid was like, but I couldn’t help feeling a bit exasperated. I know he loves me as much as I love him, but Jeff’s way of showing love is so peculiar—too honest, almost like he hates me a little. The only person who gets his love in a normal way is probably Phii Alan.

   “You made this choice yourself. Whatever happens next, you have to deal with it.”

   “But you won’t abandon me, right?”

   “I won’t,” Jeff answered without hesitation. “You’re all I’ve got. If I abandon you, who’d be left?”

   “Phii Alan.”

   “If we break up, that’d suck.”

   “Then don’t break up.”

   “You and Phii Babe shouldn’t have broken up either.”

   The more he talked, the more it felt like he was stabbing me in the heart. I decided to shut up before I ended up coughing up blood and dying.

   “I’m worried about you.”

   That was the last thing Jeff said before leaving the room. I didn’t respond beyond a slight nod, because I was sure he already knew how I felt, and I knew how much he cared about me—especially since he came to wake me up in my room this early.

   Deep down, I wanted to stay in bed and rot a bit longer, but I knew that no matter how much I tried to be lazy, my brain wouldn’t stop thinking about work. So I dragged myself out of bed to get it over with. I shuffled to the desk, picked up my glasses out of habit, and put them on. But when I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the small round mirror on the desk, I suddenly felt like something was off. It wasn’t foreign—it had been right before—but now, it wasn’t anymore.

Previous

Next