Pitbabe S2, Chapter 16 pg8

 Pitbabe S2, Chapter 16 pg8

   Every word out of Pitbabe’s mouth was Charlie, Charlie, Charlie.

   “…he was my first love.”

   That statement from Pitbabe jolted me out of my lazy listening. Just a minute ago, he was griping about Phii Charlie over water and oil, and now he’s suddenly dropping something deep with a sad tone, no preamble whatsoever.

   “He was the first person I ever said ‘I love you’ to, my first boyfriend, even though I swore I’d never get serious with anyone in this lifetime.”

   “Why didn’t you want to get serious with anyone?” I wasn’t sure how reliable his answer would be, but judging by the look on his face, like he was dying to go back and beg for reconciliation, I figured it was worth a shot to ask.

   “Because I didn’t want to get hurt,” Pitbabe let out a long sigh. He was probably frustrated with himself for falling into this trap despite his firm resolve not to. “I didn’t want to tie myself to anyone, didn’t want to be disappointed, wanted to control everything myself. There’s nothing better than being in control of your own life.”

   “Sounds pretty good,” I shrugged, looking at his flushed face, drunk on emotions, and couldn’t help but find it endearing. Even though he’s way older than me, when he’s drunk like this, Phii Babe seems like a friend—or even younger than me. “Shouldn’t have fallen for him, huh?”

   “It’s not… exactly that I shouldn’t have.”

   “Why not?” I asked.

   “If I hadn’t loved him from the start, I wouldn’t be sitting here celebrating like this.”

   “But when you were with Charlie… it was fun, right?”

   He smiled.

   A gentle smile I’d never seen before, but Phii Charlie was probably sick of seeing it by now.

   “I liked how we were so different, liked arguing with him, liked when I messed up and Charlie would scold me, liked when he got sulky and I’d coax him, liked teasing him too. When Charlie got shy, he was so childlike. The shyer he got, the more he’d snap at me—I loved that so much.”

   I knew they loved each other, but this was the first time I felt it with my heart. It wasn’t just two people living together day by day. Phii Babe and Phii Charlie loved even the worst parts of each other unconditionally—not the kind of infatuation that blinds you to flaws for a fleeting moment. They were deliberate with every step, aware of every scar and imperfection, but chose to love them anyway because it was worth it compared to what they gained from the relationship they built together.

   And here I was, jealous of Phii Charlie again.

   Jealous that he could make this person love him so completely, and a bit angry that he’d so easily thrown away someone this incredible.

   “If it were me… I’d die before I ever broke up with you.”

   I blurted out something that should’ve stayed in my head, so now I’m just hoping he won’t take it seriously—or better yet, that he’ll forget this entirely.

   “You sound just like that Charlie,” Phii Babe laughed, but he didn’t look happy. It was a laugh of self-pity, which I hated, especially coming from him. “Same batch or what?”

   “I’m not like him.”

   “No way, how could you and Charlie be the same?”

   He turned to look at me, flashing a sweet smile, his eyes glossy from the alcohol.

   Phii Babe is charming. I knew this the first time I saw him step out of his car after that race. His gaze and every movement radiated confidence. It often came off as arrogance— undeniable—but at the same time, his self-respect always shone through. When he walked into a room, the room was his. When he stepped onto the track, the track was his. Even when he sent that smile my way, I felt like I was about to become his without even realizing it.

   Before I realized it, I was kissing him.

   Phii Babe froze, neither responding nor pulling away. I took his reaction as permission, tilting my face to press my lips closer. His lips were scorching, laced with the scent of liquor and cigarettes. The fragrance of his cologne, which had been teasing my senses all along, grew more intoxicating as I drew nearer. I can’t describe the taste of that kiss, only that it was hard to stop, growing more addictive with every second of contact. It felt like he was gently leading me up a weightless staircase of clouds, toward a paradise I’d only dreamed of, never believing I could reach. But because he held my hand, I thought it might actually be possible.

   Phii Charlie is such a fool.

   How could he let this man go? If he’d kissed these lips a hundred times, how could he go on living knowing he’d never touch them again? Wouldn’t he die of a broken heart?

   Even I, tasting them for the first time, don’t know how I’ll ever pull away from this man.

   Phii Charlie… you’re such a fool.

Previous

Next