Pitbabe S2, Chapter 17 pg7

 Pitbabe S2, Chapter 17 pg7

   Dr. Chris’s mouth flapped open and shut. For the first time, he looked utterly defenseless. Normally, he’s unmatched when it comes to verbal sparring, but today, the sharp-tongued doctor surrendered easily. He bared his teeth at Phii Alan, stomped off, probably to keep hauling stuff, not wanting to be called a pampered prince who can’t do anything again.

   “Why do you keep picking on him?” Even if I didn’t want to get involved in the petty squabble between Phii Alan and Dr. Chris, I couldn’t help but comment. Since this morning, when we started moving my stuff to the new place, these two have been bickering nonstop—about trivial nonsense, sometimes even smaller than trivial nonsense. And they still show no signs of stopping. “Don’t you guys get tired?”

   “No idea if that doctor’s tired, but I’m not,” Phii Alan shrugged casually, looking genuinely unfazed.

   “Wouldn’t you be less tired if you didn’t keep starting fights?”

   “Probably more tired, cause I’d have nothing to do while hauling stuff.”

   I nodded for Phii Alan to pick up the box blocking the entrance to my new place. He grabbed it and passed it to me like clockwork. Jeff was right to ask Phii Alan to help. He’s strong, quick, organized, and has unexpectedly wide connections. The moving truck we got today belongs to one of Phii Alan’s contacts who runs a moving service, so we got a special discount. A big truck for cheap, and the driver even helped carry stuff.

   This is probably one reason Jeff always says, “When you’re with Phii Alan, you can just switch off your brain,” because he really does handle everything.

   “What?” The master organizer looked puzzled when I stared at him silently, but of course, this was a meaningful stare. “If you’ve got something to say, spit it out. I told you, don’t stare like that—it’s creepy.”

   “Missing Way, huh?”

   The question was like me shoving him and catching him before he faceplanted. No need to say it—I knew Phii Alan’s heart still had a gaping hole that sank every time Way came up. Early on, he clearly avoided Dr. Chris, and I never called him out on it because I knew it wasn’t easy. When someone who looks like your dead Phii shows up in your life again, it’s a lot. But in no time, Phii Alan seemed to get closer to him. Despite their pointless arguments, I couldn’t deny that sometimes, when they were together, I saw flashes of the past.

   “Don’t let Jeff hear you,” the big guy sighed, reluctantly admitting it.

   “It’s not weird to miss him. Does Jeff forbid you from missing Way or something?”

   “He doesn’t forbid it, but I don’t want him to feel bad,” Phii Alan glanced at the door, as if worried Jeff might walk in and overhear. His secretive demeanor made Way seem more like a past lover than a close Phii, but I’ll keep that thought to myself. Saying it out loud would probably be a moral crime. “Jeff hasn’t forgiven Way. I know he feels uneasy when I talk about Way like he didn’t do anything wrong.”

   “I haven’t forgiven Way either,” I said flatly. No reason to pretend with Phii Alan. In front of the rest of the team, I act like I’ve let it go, just to keep the vibe intact. But if we’re talking real feelings, I’m no different from Jeff. Or, to be more honest, what I feel is probably stronger. I can’t forget what he did to Babe. No matter how much time passes, or even if his body’s turned to organic dust creating something new for the world, I don’t think I ever will. Not even when my body ends up in the same state as his.

   “I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but I could never do it, not even if I died.”

   “No… I get it.”

   “You should, because Babe is your brother too.” I let my anger flare up for a moment, but then I took a deep breath, reminding myself repeatedly that there’s no point getting mad now. Phii Alan didn’t do anything wrong. He just feels differently than I do. “Not just Way… Babe is your brother too.”

   “I know, Charlie. I’ve known for a long time.” Phii Alan’s face grew weary instantly, his usual energy swept away by the endless tide of the past. I often think we’d all look years younger than we do now if what happened two years ago hadn’t occurred. That event was so heavy, forcing us to grow up before we were ready, and some of it wasn’t even necessary. But we had to grow, or we’d just die. “It’s not just siblings fighting. One was a victim, and the other…”

   He couldn’t say it. Phii Alan couldn’t bring himself to label his Phii a criminal, just like with Dean. He sent his Phii to prison to uphold society’s justice and atone for the mistakes he blamed himself for. But in his heart as a Phii, Phii Alan never saw his Phii as a criminal. I don’t like his softness on this, because it means he’s ignoring the victims of his beloved juniors (whether it’s Way or Dean, their victim was Babe). Still, I try to let it go, accepting the truth that who wouldn’t be biased for love?

   I’m probably no different.

   If it were Babe, I wouldn’t be any better than him.

   “Chris just reminds me of Way,” Phii Alan said, sidestepping the issue because it made him uncomfortable. I was too awkward to say it’s fine. “It’s like Way came back… but better.”

   “But he’s not Way.” I knew this might shatter his dreams, but letting him keep dreaming would be even worse. “Chris isn’t like Way at all.”

   “I know that.”

   “Then you should act like you know.”

   The voice of the person we were talking about drifted faintly from the front of the house. I couldn’t catch the words, but I guessed he was arguing with Jeff about something.

   “I’m happy if you get close to Chris, but I don’t want you to see him as a stand-in for Way.”

   “I just care for him like a little brother.”

   “Good,” I nodded at him. “Care for him as a brother named Chris, not Way.”

   “Charlie! Come check this out!”

   The conversation between me and Phii Alan ended without a graceful conclusion, just a brief resolution. The scene was cut short by Dr. Chris striding in with a phone in hand, followed by Jeff, whose expression resembled a kid who let the sheep escape the pen.

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