Pitbabe S2, Chapter 29 pg 6

 Pitbabe S2, Chapter 29 pg 6

   “I thought you were helping Charlie.”

   “But it made your work easier, didn’t it?”

   “Are you calling in favors so you can claim the right to worry?”

   His lips trembled until he pressed them together to hide his nervousness. If he really wanted to fight, I think he could easily out-argue me on this point. But because he lacks confidence, it’s like I’m always the one cornering and knocking him down.

   It’s true that Pete has helped me time and again—letting us use Beyond’s spaces for campaign activities, inviting us to mall openings, providing media exposure and funding, not to mention pulling countless strings to help us achieve things that raw ability alone couldn’t. Part of why we, despite our audacity, can still hold our heads high in a society full of powerful people is because we have Pete, someone with enough clout to go toe-to-toe with those big shots. So saying he’s done us favors isn’t an exaggeration. The only problem is he’s not bold enough to boast about it.

   “Pete, thank you so much,” I said. This was probably the first time I’d called him by his name so bluntly. For me, it was just a way to make him feel half a step closer, nothing more. But for him… I don’t know what it meant. “You’ve helped us a ton. If it weren’t for you, we wouldn’t have come this far.”

   “It’s something I had to do. You know, Charlie, he…”

   “I know you want to help Charlie, help X-Hunter, and do it for Way.”

   That last part he never said outright, but I could sense it from our first conversations. There was still something unresolved weighing him down, just like it did me. Way’s death was a gaping wound that hadn’t healed, and Charlie’s plan was like a small path for Pete to feel like he was doing something to atone for a sin that wasn’t his but one he chose to carry. Because if he didn’t hold onto that guilt, he might have nothing left to remember Way by.

   “But you know, right? Everything you do for me stays with me… it doesn’t reach Way.”

   I might be a gateway or a stand-in for Way, and I didn’t mind if he saw me that way. Sometimes it was fun to see the hope in his eyes. But other times, it was annoying, because it felt like he genuinely believed I could be a second chance for him and the invisible mistakes haunting his heart.

   I’m not a second chance for anyone. Not even for myself.

   “I’m not doing good by you because of Way,” Pete said firmly.

   “You’ve never seen me as Way?”

   “Never.”

   “Swear?”

   He went silent. Of course.

   Because I’ve been his Way all along.

   “Pete,” I called his name.

   “Yes… yes?” he stammered.

   “Do you want to kiss me?”

   The space between us froze, so quiet that the sound of cars on the street outside was deafening. The music from a busker became background noise to the moment. If I remember right, it was “Black Beauty” by Lana Del Rey. Odd choice for a street performance. Personally, I didn’t think it was catchy enough to draw a crowd for busking, but it was a song I liked. Charlie played it often while working, so I knew the lyrics by heart.

   What can I do?

   Life is beautiful, but you don’t seem to see it.

   I felt like it was speaking to me. Not just words passing through my ears, but piercing into me, splitting my chest, hollowing out my heart, and injecting those words into every chamber. It reminded me that in all my misery, I’m the one who painted the sky black. The sky’s still blue every day—I know that. But when I look up at it now, the bright blue doesn’t appeal to me as much as the dark, inky black I prefer.

   “Why ask that?” His voice sounded uneasy. If I had a choice, I’d rather hear music from beyond the fence. “Are you messing with me?”

   “No,” I shook my head slowly. “I’m serious.”

   “Why?”

   “Just feels like you’d want to do that.”

   “And do you want to?”

   “So you do want to, right?”

   “Chris, if you’re just playing with my feelings, please stop.”

   He tried to find meaning in every word and action of mine. Even in the emptiest breaths and movements I thought were hollow, he still searched for reason and purpose.

   But who knows? Maybe I did want to play with his feelings.

   “I think you’re the one playing with people’s feelings, Phii Pete,” I said, taking slow steps. In less than five, I stopped right in front of him. Pete froze, like he’d stopped breathing. “Acting all nice to me while you still can’t forget your ex—don’t you think that’s a bit cruel?”

   We stood in the middle, between two streetlights. The deep orange glow didn’t reach us. In that small patch of darkness, I pressed my lips to the same spot on the man before me. He seemed shocked, frozen, and I got no response from him. Still, I considered it a good kiss. At the very least, it let me forget the heavy weight in my heart for a moment.

   “If I end up really falling for you, the worst person here is you.”

   In my bleak life, he was the only bit of fun I could grasp without pain.

Previous

Next