Pitbabe S2, Chapter 32 pg 4
Pitbabe S2, Chapter 32 pg 4
North shoved my head so hard it felt like we had a grudge from a past life. I’d seen Charlie push Phii Babe’s head plenty of times, but that kid did it so gently, like he was scared his boyfriend would die from a head shove. It was both cute and annoying to watch. But the way North just pushed me? That was straight-up attempted murder.
“If I die, North…”
“I’m asking for real, Sonic. You really don’t know that I like you?”
The words I was about to spit out froze mid-throat. North stared at me, openly, in a way he never had before. He’d always brought this up half-jokingly, and when I played along, he’d dodge or act annoyed. But this time was different. His eyes held no hesitation, like he’d been planning this for months, even though we were just talking about something else a second ago. How did we end up here?
Why bring it up now?
“What’s gotten into you all of a sudden?” I asked after struggling to pull myself together. “What are you saying?”
“I’m asking,” North replied with the most serious expression I’d ever seen on him. “I want to know if everything I’ve done hasn’t been clear enough, so you didn’t notice, or if you noticed but pretended not to.”
“Why would I pretend with you?”
“Dunno,” he shook his head. “Maybe you don’t like me.”
The two of us are truly the fool and the bigger fool.
We both thought the other was too dense to understand what we were trying to say, not realizing the real idiot was ourselves.
We kept blaming the other for not getting it, too caught up to see we were failing to communicate. Stupid for expecting the other to just figure it out instead of changing how we expressed ourselves. Stupid for thinking that doing the same thing over and over would eventually make it click, instead of making things clearer. Stupid for believing we had to wait for the perfect moment to succeed, instead of creating that moment ourselves. Stupid for thinking the wait would be worth it, instead of realizing we don’t have that much time to waste.
Foolish to think that day would come, when neither of us ever took a step forward.
“Honestly, a lot of the things you do make it seem like you like me.”
“Just seem?” North asked with a chuckle. “I think it’s clearer than that.”
“But you do everything except talk to me straight.”
North froze, as if the truth hiding right under his nose had just hit him hard. It might sound stupid, and yeah, we’re both idiots, and that’s exactly how it is. Sometimes the right answer is lurking so close, disguised so well that we overlook it. Most of the time, by the time we realize it, that perfect answer has already expired.
“I really thought you liked me, and I thought I liked you too. But every time I brought it up, you’d act clueless or change the subject, until I figured I was just imagining it. You didn’t like me like that—just liked teasing me.”
“No way, why would I tease you like that…?”
“Because you acted like you didn’t want to talk about it.”
“I just didn’t know how to act, Sonic, when you said stuff like that.”
“Then you’ve got to own it,” I said, never imagining I’d have to say something like this to North. For me, this was already settled in my head a long time ago. “You missed your chance, I missed mine. Now we just have to accept it.”
“Accept what?” North shot back, his face a mess of confusion. “Look, I’m saying it now—we’re on the same page. So we just start over. Whatever we missed, forget it.”
“The problem is we’re not on the same page anymore, North.”
This was the moment I’d dreaded most, always feared. His smile was the most familiar thing in my life, always there no matter how many times I turned to look, so bright it could make me smile too. That’s why… I was terrified of being the one to ruin it.
And I did ruin it.
“What do you mean?” His voice trembled, and hearing it made my eyes burn instantly. “What’s not the same?”
“Our feelings.”
I hate his tears.
Just as much as I hate myself right now.
“When I said I liked you, it was when I thought you liked me.”
It’s not really his fault, and it’s not mine either. The fact that our feelings never met isn’t anyone’s fault, except for the truth that there was never a place for us to begin with.
“But when I realized it wasn’t true, I tried to move on.”
“Sonic, there is n-…”
It’s just that he and I were never meant to meet.
Parallel lines forever—that’s the best relationship for us.
“And now I can do it.”
JEFF:
Having Charlie as a big brother has always been easy.
Until today.
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