Pitbabe S2, Chapter 12 pg10

 Pitbabe S2, Chapter 12 pg10

   “And what’s your problem with that?”

   Charlie went quiet. He probably didn’t expect me to snap back like that, and honestly, I didn’t think those words would slip out of my mouth either. Not after I’d been thinking about “fighting back,” like Willy suggested earlier.

   “I thought we’d settled this already,” Charlie said, like always—angry but trying to stay calm. He was forcing himself to reason with me, while I was about to be the irrational one, ready to burn down every logical argument he’d throw at me, just like every other time. “Why is it always Willy? I don’t get it.”

   “You wanna know why?”

   “Yeah, why?”

   “Because I’m sad,” I said, staring straight at Charlie. Even now, with my heart twisting in agony, I was still certain he was the person I loved most in my life. But at the same time, I wanted to hurt him—at least enough to make him feel half the pain I was feeling. “I’m hurt, and there was no one else here but him.”

   “Why’re you hurt?” Charlie asked, looking confused. “Because I was late today? I can explain that, but I don’t see how it has anything to do with Willy.”

   “You can always explain, Charlie. There’s nothing you can’t explain.”

   “Then listen to me, Babe…”

   “What’s the point of listening?!”

   I didn’t want to do this. I didn’t want to yell or act like a fool in front of him. But the way Charlie was acting made me feel like I was suffocating. He didn’t understand anything. In his eyes, I was always the one in the wrong, and he was the one who had to fix everything in our relationship, when in reality, that wasn’t true. 

   “Don’t raise your voice at me,” Charlie said in a low tone, probably the angriest he’d ever been. But so what? I didn’t want to listen to him anymore. “Can’t we just talk calmly?”

   “No!”

   “Babe—”

   “I don’t want to hear it anymore! I’m sick of it! I’m tired of fighting over the same damn things endlessly. I have to try to understand everything, but you never even try to understand how I feel. I’ve changed everything about myself for you, put up with everything for you, and for what?! What do I get in return? Do you even know how exhausting it is to be by your side?!”

   Charlie froze. He stared at me like he couldn’t believe I’d just said those harsh words to him.

   “Why… does Babe say things like this?”

   “Because that’s how I feel.”

   “Being with me… is it that exhausting?”

   “Yeah.”

   Was that the right answer? I don’t know. All I know is it’s what I wanted to say right now.

   “I’m tired of trying to act like I understand. Missing you but having to understand. Feeling neglected but having to understand. Hurting but having to understand. I’m tired of waiting without knowing how long I have to wait, only knowing I have to wait until you’ve dealt with everything else first—your studies, your research, other people. Everyone’s important. Everything else is urgent. I’m the only one who has to wait. I’m the last thing in your life you’ll turn to when there’s nothing else to deal with.”

   “Babe…”

   “I’m sick of being the least important thing in your life.”

   I said it, and I’m sure those words hurt Charlie deeply.

   “Without me, would your life be easier, Charlie?”

   Good. That’s right. Good.

Previous

Next