Pitbabe S2, Chapter 13 pg1

 Pitbabe S2, Chapter 13 pg1

 

   Chapter 13:

   BABE:

   “Without me, would your life be easier, Charlie?”

   Charlie’s face was full of questions and a heavy mix of emotions. I knew he was shocked, hurt, angry, and disappointed with what I said, but I had no idea how much of each he was feeling. Maybe anger was the biggest part, or maybe he was just disappointed that I wasn’t as understanding as he’d always tried to say. But trust me, whatever he was feeling right now was nothing compared to what I’d endured to stay by his side.

   “Babe, don’t talk like that.”

   Hmm… judging by his face, I’d say anger was definitely winning.

   “Why? You gonna tell me what to do again?”

   “I’m not telling you what to do, but I don’t like it when you talk like this,” Charlie said, his voice rising. His eyes were wider than usual, and I could barely remember the last time he was this mad. Even during our fight about Willy before, I didn’t think he seemed this furious. “How can things get easier when we’ve been together this long, and you still don’t get how I feel?”

   “I get it because you tell me, but I haven’t felt anything in a while.”

   The more I spoke, the more Charlie seemed to sink into deeper shock, like he was standing at the top of a Jenga tower while I, the player, slowly pulled out blocks one by one, choosing the ones he least expected, making the whole thing wobble until he nearly fell to his death.

   “Because I don’t have time for you?” Charlie asked in a flat tone, clearly trying hard to keep his emotions in check.

   “Is there anything else?”

   “I think you’re missing the point,” Charlie said, his face dead serious. He stared deep into my eyes, like he was pinning my arms against an iron wall with both hands—not to hurt me, but to keep me from running away or doing something I’d regret later. “We keep fighting about the same thing because you won’t deal with Willy once and for all. I’m not saying you can’t interact at all, but you should know what’s appropriate. I shouldn’t have to spell it out for you.”

   “Oh, so you’re saying your lack of time for me isn’t a problem at all, huh?”

   “And does my lack of time mean you can just do whatever with whoever?”

   “Are you accusing me of cheating?” I glared at him, unable to believe that even now, I was still being accused of this over and over. Why? Because of my past? In Charlie’s eyes, am I still the same person I was back then, unchanged?

   “I didn’t say cheating. I’m just saying what you’re doing isn’t right.”

   “And what did I do? I was just standing with him. Just standing next to him isn’t allowed either?”

   Before I could finish my sentence, Charlie cut me off, his voice sharp with peak frustration.

   “Then why are you out here standing together in the dark? Everyone else is inside,” he said, his face a mess of emotions, his hands flailing angrily—completely unlike the calm Charlie I knew. “If I was out here alone with someone else like this, would you swear you wouldn’t get mad? Can you honestly say you wouldn’t lose it? You get jealous over everything, so why don’t you ever think that I feel the same way?”

   “Fine! It’s all my fault!” I shouted, fed up. Charlie’s attitude and words, acting like I was the cause of everything, made my chest burn like it was about to explode. “My fault for feeling neglected, my fault for wanting to be alone, my fault for not chasing him off, my fault for everything! I’m wrong about it all, and you’re never wrong, are you?”

   “Don’t start with the sarcasm—”

   “I’m not being sarcastic. You’re never wrong, are you? Everything’s always my fault!”

   “Stop acting like a child and talk some sense!”

   This is what you call rage—the most intense emotion from Charlie. His booming yell hit me like a bolt of lightning, sudden and devastating. My body froze, my heart skipping a beat, stunned by the harsh words I never expected to hear from someone like him.

   “Do you have any idea what I deal with every day, Babe? School, work, racing, and you! I’m trying my absolute best to juggle everything, but this is all I can do, Babe. I’m trying my hardest. I don’t ask for much—just for you to understand me a little. But you keep acting like this!”

   “I never asked you to do a damn thing, Charlie!” I shouted back, refusing to back down. His words made it clear he still didn’t get it. Normally, he’s the one who sees things clearly, faster than anyone else, but today he was no different from a blind fool. He couldn’t see anything—not even how I felt. To him, my emotions were like air, invisible. “I never asked you to study. I never asked you to do community work. I never expected anything from you. I just wanted you to be my boyfriend!”

   “So you want me to drop everything?” Disappointment was written all over Charlie’s face. He looked at me like I was some irrational freak about to ruin his life. “Quit school, quit research, ignore everyone but you? Is that what it’ll take to make you happy?”

   “Yes!”

   Since Charlie already thought I was unreasonable, I’d be exactly what he wanted today. And I thought I was doing a damn good job of it.

   “What did you say?”

   “I want you to quit school, stop caring about others. I don’t care if people live or die, or how messed up the world is. I just want you to be with me all the time, do everything with me, care only about me. Your twenty-four hours belong to me alone. That’s what I want!”

   Charlie froze like a robot with a dead battery, as if he’d run out of words. Only my voice echoed, screaming selfish demands without a shred of shame. I knew he’d never understand my selfishness because we’re so different. Charlie’s a good person. He always puts others before himself. He can’t stand seeing people suffer. His compassion runs so deep it compels him to help others constantly. Me? I never think about that stuff. I only think about myself. I take whatever I can and would snatch anything I want. I don’t know if I was born with this rotten streak, but in this moment, this is the me I know with crystal clarity.

   “You know I’m not your possession, right, Babe?”

   Charlie spoke up, seeming to regain his composure after a brief silence. He wasn’t yelling like before, but his low, steady tone carried more weight than the ground we stood on.

   “No. You’re mine.”

   “Babe.”

   “You’re mine, and I’m not sharing you with anyone.”

   “I never thought you’d be like this,” he said, his disappointed expression lingering. For the first time, Charlie openly admitted he was disappointed in me. As far as I can remember, he’s never said anything like this before. I’m probably the one who’s always quick to throw the word “disappointment” in his face, spitting it out like it’s nothing. “You’ve been in that house, Babe. You know what it’s like—living hell. And people actually died. If you can’t picture it, think of Way. Wasn’t he your friend? Have you forgotten why he died?”

   I avoided his gaze. Charlie’s eyes pierced me so deeply that I thought I might die if I kept looking at him.

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