Pitbabe S2, Chapter 13 pg9

 Pitbabe S2, Chapter 13 pg9

   Babe shifted slightly. I thought he might turn to face me, but I was hoping for too much. He just pulled the blanket over his head.

   He must really be annoyed.

   “I…”

   I wanted to say more to him.

   But this was already enough.

   “I know you is really angry with me, maybe even hates me now, but you… it’s okay. You can hate me. I deserve it.”

   This was too painful. I’d imagined the day I’d lose Babe and cried like a child, but that fear was nothing compared to now. I couldn’t see any way to move past this feeling. I believed with all my heart that I’d never forget him, no matter how hard I tried. I’d still see Babe every time I closed my eyes. I’d smell him with every breath, hear his voice carried by the wind. I’d imagine him whispering that he loves me, and I’d respond without hesitation.

   “I love you, Babe.”

   I swallowed a sob with difficulty.

   “I wish you happiness every day, Babe, happier than when you were with me. No matter what you thought in the past—that I didn’t love you, that other things in my life were more important than you—I swear it’s not true. Nothing in my life has ever been more important than you. I won’t ask you to understand everything I’ve done. I just want you to remember that there was never a day I didn’t love you.”

   It was really over.

   My time was up.

   “I’ll finish packing tonight, so when you wake up in the morning, you won’t have to see me anymore.”

   I got up from the bed, thinking I needed to hurry and pack my things to not disturb Babe’s rest. But when I turned to look at him, curled up in the blanket, I felt selfish.

   Just one last time, please.

   I walked around to the other side of the bed where Babe was lying, knelt on the floor beside it, and reached out to touch what I thought was his face. Babe flinched slightly, probably startled by the sudden touch, but he didn’t say anything. He just lay still and silent as always. I took that as permission to touch him. My palm fit perfectly against his cheek.

   I slowly moved my face closer to the person on the bed, inch by inch, until we touched. Even with the blanket between us, I was sure this was his lips because they moved slightly when my lips met them. I lingered there for a moment, no more than five seconds, before pulling away with a feeling like my heart was breaking.

   I didn’t want this kiss to be our last.

   “Happy birthday, Babe.”

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