Pitbabe S2, Chapter 18 pg2

 Pitbabe S2, Chapter 18 pg2

   “If you dare say to my face that you don’t feel a thing, I won’t say another word. I’ll leave here and never let you see me again.”

   If that really happened, it would be the most perfect breakup. I wouldn’t have to face this paralyzing fear and suffocating awkwardness anymore.

   But that part about “never letting you see me again”—why does it feel so terrifying?

   “I…” I feel like I’m suffocating, my body hollow, not even guts left. The more I look at him, the more I realize running is pointless. “…don’t like it.”

   “Don’t like it?”

   “Don’t like… that picture.”

   I said it.

   Babe keeps staring at me, but I can’t guess what he’s thinking.

   “I’m angry that you kissed someone else. I don’t know who I’m angrier at, you or Willy, just that I’m angry… really angry.”

   And once I start talking, it’s like I accidentally opened a door that shouldn’t have been touched. Now, even if I want to close it, it’s too late.

   “I believe you didn’t cheat on me. I’m sure when we were together, there was nothing between you and Willy. And if after we broke up, you do whatever with whoever, that’s his right. But I just can’t handle seeing you kiss someone else. I want you to be happy, I swear. But I just…

   “Just… just what?”

   “Just didn’t think you could be happy with someone else… this fast.”

   Babe goes silent. I don’t know how he feels about what I just spilled, but for me, I hate myself. Those words came from my own mouth, and I’m disgusted. If I had to guess, Babe probably feels about the same.

   “I’m sorry.”

   I don’t expect to hear “sorry” from Babe right now, and he’s probably not strong enough to say it either. That’s why he steps closer, lifts his hands to hold my face, and kisses me deeply instead of saying it’s okay.

   This is all wrong. Babe shouldn’t be kissing me. I shouldn’t be wrapping my arms around his waist and kissing him back. And a kiss between people who’ve already broken up shouldn’t feel this deep and intoxicating.

   

   BABE:

   I’ve missed Charlie’s kisses like this since the first day we parted.

   But I didn’t realize how immense that longing was until I kissed him again.

   Charlie has always been gentle. Whether in his words or actions, no matter how thrilling the kiss or how passionate our sex, his tenderness always lingers in every touch and breath. His arms wrapped around me, his warm hands caressing my body, and those soft lips pressing and pulling—it’s overwhelming, almost too much to bear. But of course, I keep pushing forward, because letting go without savoring it would be even harder.

   I close my eyes, surrendering to Charlie’s kiss, holding the tall, familiar body I’ve missed. My legs move, stepping back as the homeowner leads me, not even knowing where he’s taking me. The answer comes moments later when I’m gently laid down on a large bed, one I’d bet he made just hours ago.

   “I missed you so much.”

   I didn’t mean to say something like that for him to hear, but lying here, wrapped in each other’s arms on this bed, feels so fulfilling. I’ve lost all restraint, all caution. Words that shouldn’t be said, I say. Things that shouldn’t be done, I do. I don’t care about tomorrow or what happens an hour from now. All I know is that right now, I want to be here with Charlie, lying in his arms, feeling the warmth of his body, breathing in the familiar, comforting scent of him. I only want to live in this moment. If the world crumbles later because I’m back in bed with my ex, so be it. I don’t care.

   “You’re finally admitting it?” Charlie says with a chuckle, pressing a kiss to my head—probably the fourth or fifth time he’s done it. “Just a moment ago, you were calling me delusional.”

   “I only realized I missed you just now.”

   “You didn’t miss me while driving here?”

   “Nope,” I reply. “I was just thinking about coming here to yell at you.”

   “Yell at me for not asking about the photo, huh?”

   “Isn’t that worth yelling about?”

   “I thought you’d feel better if I didn’t ask.”

   “Better, my ass,” I retort, my tone sharp as if I’m annoyed, but my face is buried in his chest, clinging to the warmth as if I’m afraid it’ll vanish if I pull away. “I was stressed all day, worried you actually thought I cheated.”

   “Honestly, at first, I was scared too.”

   “Scared I cheated?”

   “Yeah, scared of what I’d do if it was true,” Charlie says softly, his large hand slowly stroking my head as if lulling me to sleep. “But only for a moment. Then I stopped being scared, because I realized Babe could never cheat on me.”

   “What makes you so sure?”

   “I thought you’d be happy to hear I think that way.”

   “I am,” I drawl. “I just want to know why you’re so confident in me.”

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