Pitbabe S2, Chapter 18 pg4
Pitbabe S2, Chapter 18 pg4
“So, what’s the verdict?”
“you’re telling the truth,” Charlie’s tone sounded more relaxed. The truth from me must have cleared some of the fog in his heart. “Thanks.”
“Thanks for what?”
“For telling the truth.”
“And if I said Willy started it, but I didn’t stop him, would you still thank me?”
I can’t act innocent. This honesty is just atonement, but it can’t erase the wrong I’ve done. The truth is still the truth. I didn’t reject Willy’s kiss from the start. I let it happen on purpose. So how can I accept thanks from Charlie?
“Then why didn’t Babe stop it?” Charlie asks. He doesn’t seem as irritated as before, so this question feels free of hidden meaning. “Did it feel good?”
“At first, it didn’t feel like anything. I was even kind of confused because I was drunk,” I answer, trying to recall that night. The memory is pretty hazy, and I’m not entirely sure what really happened. The kiss is the only thing I’m certain of. “For a split second, I thought it was you.”
“That’s worth getting mad about.”
“But just for a split second. I realized pretty quick it wasn’t you.”
“How’d you know?”
“The kiss wasn’t the same.”
“Who’s better?”
“You really wanna know?” I ask, just to tease the sulky kid, but he doesn’t play along. Charlie glares at me, and the hand that was on my head pulls away automatically. When he’s even a little mad, he really won’t touch me at all. That’s one thing that hasn’t changed amidst all the changes in Charlie. “Kidding. No need to make that face.”
“Not funny.”
“Why are you so sulky? I’m not even your boyfriend.”
Charlie’s lips move like he’s muttering to himself, because that’s the most he can do. Of course, what I said is true. Even if it seems like we’re okay now, the reality is we’re still just exes. That hasn’t changed one bit.
“No one’s kiss beats yours anyway. I trained you myself, didn’t I? You’re bound to like me best, right?”
Hearing the answer he wanted, the sulky kid cracks a small smile, but just a tiny one. He still maintains his cool-guy image perfectly. Only the hand sliding back onto my head carries any warmth.
“Even if you like me best, you still kissed someone else.”
“I’m single now. I can do whatever I want.”
“I’m not saying you can’t.”
“That’s what you call not saying anything?”
“I’m just sad, that’s all,” Charlie says softly. “Can’t an ex be sad?”
“No need to be sad. In the end, nothing happened with him anyway.”
“Why?” The question slipped out without much thought, so Charlie paused for a moment before adding, “I’m not saying we should keep this going or anything. I just want to know why you stopped when, honestly, it wouldn’t have been wrong to keep going.”
“I think you already know the answer.”
Loneliness and longing made us both more honest. We could’ve chosen to lie, but I spoke exactly what was on my mind, unfiltered. After we decided to part ways, I genuinely didn’t think there’d ever be a day we’d sit and open up like this again. I thought the safe space between us had been permanently closed, especially since Charlie seemed so resolute. He was heartbroken but showed no signs of wanting to reconcile. And even though he expressed concern for me several times, I never felt those gestures carried any deeper meaning beyond the kindness former lovers might share.
But now that there’s a chance, I want to seize it one more time.
“you don’t have to care about me anymore,” Charlie said, his voice soft but firm with conviction. He looked down at my face, his large hand sliding from my head to my cheek. His eyes conveyed sincerity, as if he was afraid I’d misinterpret him out of lingering resentment, like I had so many times before. “Sure, it hurts. If someone else took my place, there’s no way I wouldn’t feel anything. But you have your own life. I don’t want you to feel guilty about something that isn’t your fault.”
“I don’t feel guilty at all.”
“Swear you never once thought, ‘How would Charlie feel about this? Poor Charlie, maybe I shouldn’t do it.’”
Charlie doesn’t have mind-reading powers, but the way he nailed every thought in my head so accurately must be the skill of a seasoned ex. He knows everything about me, every single thing. And because he knows everything, I can’t understand how we ended up breaking up. He should’ve been the one who knew best how I felt and what I needed. We shouldn’t have had any reason to clash at all.
Or maybe that’s exactly why our breakup made sense.
Because Charlie knew everything but still chose to act the same way, chose the same path. In the end, he decided what was important and what was a burden to cut loose.
I thought I’d made peace with it, but I guess I was just kidding myself. Even now, it still hurts to realize I was the first thing Charlie chose to discard amid the many things going on in his life.
“Of course I had those thoughts,” I admitted honestly, even though it bruised my pride a little. “But I didn’t go further with Willy because I didn’t feel that way about him. I don’t know about the future, I can’t say for sure, but right now, I’m not ready—not just with him, but with anyone.”
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