Pitbabe S2, Chapter 18 pg5

 Pitbabe S2, Chapter 18 pg5

   It felt like I was trading my dignity for the deepest desires of my heart, shedding the protective shell I’d worn since the day we broke up, laying my raw self-bare for Charlie to see. It was embarrassing, but I had a small, blossoming hope. The invisible thread between us was glowing again. The cold loneliness turned warm just because Charlie reached out to touch me. He made me start thinking we might be able to return to that place again, the shared space I thought was abandoned forever. Maybe there’s still a way to bring it back to life.

   “You were my first boyfriend, Charlie,” I said, placing my hand over his, which still rested against my cheek. I looked up, meeting his eyes, hoping it might soften him—or at the very least, make him hesitate. Even that would be more than enough. “In this short time, there’s no way I could forget you.”

   Charlie didn’t respond, but his eyes flickered.

   “And then you tell me to go find someone else like this. Don’t you think you’re being a bit cruel?”

   “I didn’t mean it like that…”

   “If I really had someone else, could you actually handle it…?” I turned his hand, which had been resting over mine, and laced our fingers together, pressing a soft kiss to the back of his hand. I used the tone he once said always made him melt, deliberately, because right now I wanted to win more than anything. “If someone else held my hand like this, hugged me, and sniffed my hair like you love to do. If someone else kissed my cheek, nuzzled my neck, and got all clingy with me. Would you be okay with that?”

   “Whether I’m okay or not… don’t I just have to deal with it?”

   “What if they kissed me? Not like that Willy kiss, but the way you’ve always kissed me—kissing and touching everywhere, kissing on my bed, the bed we’ve slept in together. They take my clothes off piece by piece until there’s nothing left, then slowly kiss all over my body…”

   “Ugh! Enough!”

   Charlie let go of my hand, raised both hands to cover his ears, squeezed his eyes shut, and started going, “La la la!” to drown out my voice, even though I’d already stopped talking when he said enough. But this silly kid kept shouting like one more word would be too much to bear.

   This is the guy telling me to find someone else?

   Charlie’s still such a kid.

   “Alright, enough,” I said, pulling his hands away from his ears. Charlie stopped making those weird noises but still looked at me with wary eyes, like he was ready to go back into defense mode at any moment. “I’m done talking.”

   “Done for real. No more.”

   “You said you’d just deal with it if you weren’t okay. Is this what you call dealing?”

   “Well, you described it way too vividly, Babe. How am I supposed to handle that?”

   “If just imagining it is this bad, how would you cope with the real thing?”

   “I didn’t think it’d be this hard,” Charlie said weakly, clearly frustrated with himself for being so inexperienced and not tough enough. But I couldn’t help grinning, because the weaker Charlie was, the more it meant I had a chance. “Do you feel the same way, Babe?”

   “Dunno. Never imagined you with someone else.”

   “Then try imagining it. Picture me sleeping with someone else…”

   “Nope, stop.” I immediately clapped my hand over Charlie’s mouth. He hadn’t even started describing anything, but my overactive imagination was already working way too hard. “I’m already getting pissed. Enough.”

   “Why do you get mad so fast?” Charlie laughed, clearly enjoying this.

   “We’re not the same.”

   “You don’t know how to be patient at all, Babe.”

   “Yeah, yeah, you’re so great at patience. Want a medal, little champ?”

   “Speak nicely, will you?” The clever little one lightly pushed my head as a playful punishment. Of course, I didn’t let him get away with it one-sidedly. I swatted his leg in return, but Charlie didn’t seem fazed at all. He rubbed my head, playing with my hair without saying a word for a while, before mischievously pressing my head down onto his lap again.

   “Hey!” I thumped my fist on his thigh because this kid wouldn’t stop messing around. “What’s that for?”

   “Nothing,” Charlie replied with a straight face, acting all innocent while it was obvious he was scheming something in that head of his. “Just felt like it.”

   “Felt like nonsense…”

   Suddenly, I didn’t feel like arguing anymore. It wasn’t exactly for no reason—his expression and the way he looked at me were the culprits. His hand still rested on my head, and though Charlie didn’t say a single word, it felt like he was whispering in my ear, conveying his desires and enchanting me to obey, as if I were his loyal servant.

   There were two possibilities: either Charlie was actually commanding me, or I missed him so much I was delusional.

   “Is the kid around here secretly naughty?” I chuckled throatily, sliding my hand to the center of his pants to confirm something. And, as I suspected, Charlie was excited. No, he’d probably been excited for a while. “Oh! Hello there.”

   “Stop playing,” Charlie said, sounding annoyed, but his face told a different story. He tilted his head to look at me, the corner of his mouth slightly raised, his eyes sparkling as if anticipating some thrilling game from me.

   “Look who’s talking.”

   “What?”

   “How dare you push an elder’s head, you little punk.”

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