Pitbabe S2, Chapter 26 pg 5

 Pitbabe S2, Chapter 26 pg 5

   Am I really about to lose to him?

   If that’s the case, what was the point of everything I’ve fought for? Am I going to give in to my desires now, indulge without thinking, only to suffer like a living death when I lose him in the end?

   Do I really have the guts for that?

   “Babe… listen to me,” I lock eyes with him, placing both hands firmly on his shoulders, hoping he’ll understand every word I’m about to say, no matter how painful. It’s better to hurt now than to keep circling back to this agony over and over. “I’ve come too far. It’s too late to turn back now, no matter how much my heart wants to throw everything away and come back to you. I can’t.”

   “Why not?”

   “Because I can’t stop now.”

   “Even if it means I’d die?”

   My heart lurched from that single sentence. All the words I’d prepared in my head vanished as if they’d never existed. And suddenly, I felt an overwhelming fear catch me off guard.

   “What did you say?” My voice trembled. I couldn’t even control my own lips. “Damn… what does that mean?”

   “A few weeks after we broke up, I saw Ken… at Kim’s place,” Babe said, his voice dropping as if he was afraid someone might overhear, even though this was his house and it was just the two of us. “Not sure how they ended up together, but they seemed close. Ken was staying with Kim. He told Kim everything.”

   “And Ken… is he still working for Tony?”

   “You know about Tony too?”

   Okay, I didn’t mean for Babe to find out this way, but it’s not the end of the world. Deep down, I knew this would reach Babe’s ears sooner or later. If not through someone else, then through me. But this was a bit different from what I’d expected. Based on what he said, Babe had confirmation of Tony’s existence before I did.

   “Just recently,” I replied. “Had a hunch for a while, so I asked Phii Chris to look into it.”

   “That Chris guy seems capable of anything,” Babe said with a scoff, his expression showing clear annoyance toward Dr. Chris. I knew Babe wasn’t fond of him—his face reminded him of an old friend, and his personality wasn’t exactly likable. But I didn’t think Babe would feel this way about Dr. Chris too. “Must be nice having him around.”

   “Is you jealous of Phii Chris?” I teased.

   “Huh?” His face gave him away. Babe acted like my words were absurd, but his stunned expression confirmed it was true. “Why would I be jealous of him?”

   Saying, “Because he gets to be by my side,” would sound pretty narcissistic. But I could tell that was exactly what was brewing in Babe’s heart, whether he realized it or not, admitted it or denied it. I knew Babe had always felt inadequate for not being able to share every part of my life. I’d told him before that it wasn’t necessary—he didn’t need to be in every corner of my world. He could live his life on the track while I sat stiffly in the lab or university library, and we’d share the other parts together. That’s what I tried to make happen. But it seemed like it never eased Babe’s desire to be involved in every aspect of my life.

   With Dr. Chris in the picture, Babe felt even more insecure. Chris overlapped with me in ways Babe didn’t—we shared similar interests, spoke the same language, had the same goals. He was like my left hand, as capable as my brain, grabbing everything I wanted, both by my orders and my whims. Those abilities made Babe feel undervalued, like Dr. Chris could replace him.

   That was the real nonsense.

   If anyone or anything could truly replace Babe, I wouldn’t have brought myself here in the first place. In my world, there’s only one Babe. That’s why I have to make this world as safe as possible for him. I won’t wait around as a protector guarding him from danger—I’ll make every threat disappear from this world so Babe won’t even have to feel a scratch.

   “Phii Chris just has connections and can get things done for me, but I’m not that into him.”

   “Don’t even start,” Babe scoffed with a laugh. “You’re crazy about him. You two get along like a house on fire, always on the same wavelength. You think I wouldn’t notice?”

   “Hmm… maybe you’re right,” I admitted easily, since lying didn’t seem like the smartest move. “But I swear it’s not the same as how I feel about you, Babe. If I liked someone that similar to me, I’d probably be insanely in love with myself.”

   “Everyone likes people who are like them.”

   “Not me,” I shot back quickly. “Sure, being with someone like me might feel easy, like we’re always on the same page. But I don’t want to spend my life just talking about things I already like.”

   I locked eyes with him, suddenly feeling like I was about to confess my love again, even though we were in the middle of a life-or-death conversation. But I couldn’t let this go.

   “I want to hear about things I don’t know, understand things I’ve never grasped, argue with someone who thinks differently. I want to learn from them, have them hear my thoughts, and see how much better we can fit together in the future. I want to grow into someone I don’t even recognize today, someone I couldn’t have imagined.”

   I hoped Babe would understand and stop comparing himself to anyone else in my life. Because there’s no comparison. There never could be.

   “Any idea where I might find someone like that, Babe?”

   Babe looked away. I could tell I’d won this round. My opponent showed no sign of fighting back. He just turned his face aside, letting silence be his white flag in this little battle.

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