Pitbabe S2, Chapter 27 pg 6

 Pitbabe S2, Chapter 27 pg 6

   The truth is, my world is still mine, but he’s the only one who keeps it spinning, even as my strength fades with time.

   Even the shades of the sky come from the way he looks at me.

   “Even if we’re not boyfriends, you will always have a place in my life, just like from the first day, and forever.”

   “And if we were boyfriends?”

   If his every word didn’t carry more meaning than “love,” I wouldn’t have dared ask that.

   “Does you still want to be my boyfriend?” Charlie asked back. Though his lips curved into a smile, his eyes mocked—not me, but himself. “After how badly I’ve treated you?”

   He was mocking himself.

   “I know even if we’re not boyfriends, I’m still the most important person in your life. So what reason do we have not to get back together?”

   I’ve thrown away my pride time and again, stripped of all beauty, majesty, and respectability, standing bare before him without shame. I wanted to be honest with my feelings. To say I want when I want, to ask when I need. I didn’t want to lose my chance just because I clung too tightly to my dignity.

   I wasn’t begging him to love me.

   I knew he already did. That’s why I tried to return his love in my own way.

   “Because I don’t know how to look at you without feeling guilty,” Charlie said, pressing his palm to my cheek. He touched me so gently, as if afraid I’d vanish, so unlike the fiery passion when we made love.

   “I said I’d do anything for you, but I can’t manage to do it without hurting you too. If we were boyfriends, I’d be a terrible one.”

   “I don’t care. To me, you’re the best.”

   “No way. How could I be the best?”

   “Because I say you are, so you are. What, you gonna think for me now?”

   Charlie is quite sensitive to the phrase “thinking for someone else,” and it’s one of his bad habits that he’s well aware of. He always talks about believing in equality and freedom, but when it comes to me, those ideals get tossed out the window. He becomes obsessed with his own thoughts, searching for what he thinks is the best solution and handling it behind my back, all because he believes protecting me is more important than my opinion.

   I don’t like this side of him, and Charlie doesn’t care for it either. I can tell he’s been trying to fix it for a while, but for some reason, he still hasn’t succeeded.

   “How about this?” Charlie said after mulling it over for a moment. I believe my question shifted something in his heart, even if just a little.

   “We don’t have to talk about our status right now. Whatever you want to do, however you want us to be, you can decide freely. I just have one request: let me finish my work.”

   The more we bring up this topic, trying to compromise and negotiate time and again, the more I feel like I’m slowly starting to understand Charlie, bit by bit. At first, I was frustrated and angry at his stubbornness, hating that he prioritized other things over me. But now, those feelings are gone. All I feel is sadness. I’m trying to dig into his mind, to understand the mess he’s hiding. I want to know what makes Charlie willing to sacrifice so much.

   Is his idealism really bigger than me?

   The answer to that is starting to feel blurry and uncertain.

   “If the day comes when everything’s settled and Babe still thinks I’m worthy of being your boyfriend, I’ll ask you to be my boyfriend again then.”

   I’m not sure how fair this proposal is. The only thing I’m certain of is that I’m no longer afraid of waiting. This wait has a clear destination, too certain for me to sit here worrying. Whether it’s now or later, my answer will never change.

   “Is this okay with Babe?”

   “Okay.”

   I answered without hesitation.

   “Wanna think it over first?” Charlie chuckled. “You don’t have to answer right now.”

   “I’m answering now,” I insisted. “Let’s go with that, exactly as you said.”

   “You sure?”

   “Sure.”

   “If you’re sure, give me a kiss.”

   Kiss.

   No reason to hold back. I leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to Charlie’s lips. The scheming guy grinned, clearly pleased. He acted like he wanted me to reconsider, asking again as if he hoped I’d change my mind, but deep down, he was happier than anything that I still chose to wait for him, even with no guarantee when his work would be done.

   If I lend a hand, maybe we can find our way back to each other a little faster.

   “One more time?” Charlie said with a sly smile. “That was too quick.”

   I’ve officially removed “hesitation” from my dictionary. The moment he spoke, I dove in for another kiss, this time lingering longer, moving my lips gently against his. I made sure he couldn’t say it was too quick, before pulling back softly, leaving a lingering sense of longing.

   “Refreshing,” the sly guy grinned widely, then rushed in to shower my cheeks with kisses as if he’d been holding back for ages. “So refreshing.”

   “You like it?” I grabbed Charlie’s face before he could devour my cheeks entirely. “You like being spoiled like this?”

Previous

Next