My Moon, Chapter 3 pg 12
My Moon, Chapter 3 pg 12
Klai kept his eyes closed. He chose to lower his head and give himself time to compose. It felt like he had already destroyed the good relationship between them, ruined by his own hands. Klai opened his eyes, looked up, and met the empty gaze of the other.
“If I…” Klai paused to catch his breath, his voice trembling. He took another deep breath before continuing, “If I stop loving you like… sob…”
“…”
Klai tried. He really tried.
“…If I can stop loving you as a lover…” Klai tightly gripped his trembling hands. His vision of the person in front of him began to blur, obscured by a veil of tears. “Phii Shin… sob… can things go back to how they were?”
“…”
“Can you still love and care for this younger brother like before?”
As tears fell, Klai saw the person in front of him clearly again.
Phii Shin didn’t respond. Instead, he turned to look out the window.
“…”
“I’ll stop loving you as a lover, I promise… Just please, don’t change, Phii Shin.”
Phii Shin turned back to meet his gaze and said, “I’m sorry…”
“It’s not your fault, Phii Shin. It’s mine for not controlling my feelings.” Klai roughly wiped the tears from his face and quickly continued, “It’s my fault for making you uncomfortable. From now on, I won’t make you feel uneasy or troubled again. I promise.”
Phii Shin looked down, avoiding his eyes. “You don’t need to make any promises to me, Klai. Just… stop loving me. That’s enough.”
Klai nodded, raising both hands to wipe the endless stream of tears. “Yes… I can definitely do it.”
Klai thought the most painful thing was making a promise without knowing if he could keep it, like picking up shattered glass to piece it back together. Even though he knew it could never be the same, he kept trying, his hands covered in wounds.
It wasn’t that he didn’t notice the blood on his hands.
He saw it. He knew.
But he still hoped… hoped that everything could go back to how it was.
Hoped that the empty gaze would once again be warm.
“And one more thing I want to say, because I think you might have misunderstood this point too.”
“…”
“That day when Max said I had a crush on a junior at school, I admitted I did like a junior... but that junior wasn’t Klai.”
“…”
“She’s a female junior studying Japanese Arts.”
“…” But now, the Chinese Arts student who used to study in the classroom next to the Japanese Arts student felt a numbing pain coursing through his entire body.
Phii Shin looked up and let out a heavy sigh. “I’ve told you the whole truth... so I’ll take my leave now.”
“Y-Yes.”
Klai nodded in response. The moment Phii Shin stood up and left the table, Klai let his tears flow without shame. He sobbed like a child, asking himself…
“Didn’t you say you could handle any outcome, Klai? So why are you crying like a kid? Aren’t you embarrassed in front of others?”
But Klai had no answers for himself… only words of consolation.
“It’s just a rejection… it doesn’t hurt that much, come on. Don’t cry too much, or your eyes will swell. And don’t stay weak for too long, Klai.”
Klai looked up as someone’s hand rested on his shoulder. When he raised his face, he saw Kant standing there, offering him a smile. Kant gently rubbed his shoulder.
“Kant…” Klai bit his trembling lip. He wiped the tear stains from his face and said, “I didn’t get what I hoped for… sob… but at least I’ve escaped the state of secret admiration.”
Kant nodded, his close friend’s eyes red. “I’m sorry I only prepared words of congratulations for when you succeeded… I didn’t prepare any words of comfort for when you were disappointed.”
Klai laughed through his tears before leaning his head to playfully bite Kant’s stomach. Kant continued to rub his shoulder, then used his other hand to gently stroke Klai’s hair.
“So, can I use the words I prepared? But I’ll adjust them to fit the situation.”
“Yeah, go ahead.”
“Congrats, man… for breaking free from the state of secret admiration.”
Klai closed his eyes and nodded. “Thank you, Kant… thank you for always being there for me, no matter what state I’m in.”
“I’ll be your friend forever.”
Kant’s comforting words from their time at the university supported Klai’s weary body and fragile heart all the way back to his condo. Kant said he wanted to stay over tonight, not wanting Klai to be alone, afraid he might break down and cry heavily again. But Klai insisted he could handle being alone, and Kant reluctantly let him spend the night by himself.
Klai placed his backpack on the desk before walking over to grab the study notes he’d prepared for other subjects. Tomorrow, he had exams in three more subjects. Right now, Klai needed to clear his mind of all thoughts to focus on doing his best.
Klai can feel sad and disappointed,
But his father, who’s always been his support,
Must not feel sad or disappointed in him...
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