My Moon, Chapter 3 pg 13
My Moon, Chapter 3 pg 13
He uses the same method he always does before studying for exams. His slightly swollen, almond-shaped eyes from crying slowly close. The pitch-black darkness now helps manage the flood of chaotic emotions swirling in his mind. As long as his brain and heart remain in turmoil, Klai absolutely won’t start studying.
And luckily this time...
His brain and heart aren’t too stubborn.
His pale eyelids flutter open. He grabs a thick stack of exam review notes and places it in front of him. Klai glances at the yellow cup holding pens. He picks out a colored pen and grabs a blank sheet of paper. Klai studies the review notes diligently. The key points from each subject that he doesn’t remember well, he writes down again on the blank paper.
His father taught him this trick...
His father said... even if we’ve summarized the content well,
It doesn’t mean we’ll remember everything.
Writing out the key points separately... is the best way to review.
Klai finishes reviewing the notes for two subjects just past midnight. But there’s still one subject left. Although he’s gone over the review notes for that subject many times, he should review them again for confidence.
The person staring at his backpack sighs, then reluctantly pulls it toward him. Klai unzips it to take out the math review notes and continue studying. Just seeing the handwriting of Phii Shin, the words and the look in his eyes that he tried to bury deep in his heart come rushing back.
Every emotion Phii Shin conveyed through his eyes feels like a knife cutting into his heart repeatedly. Right now, Klai admits he can’t focus on studying at all. But the exam schedule, which says he has a math exam tomorrow, leaves him with little choice.
Klai thinks he must force himself to finish reviewing these notes as quickly as possible. But when he tries to read through each page, he realizes it’s incredibly difficult for his eyes to follow the words. Still, he keeps reading until the text in front of him starts to blur. What obscures the words, which keep reminding him of his heartache, is, as always, his tears.
Klai doesn’t dare blink, afraid the clear tears pooling at the edges of his eyes will fall onto Phii Shin’s review notes. Phii Shin was kind enough to lend them to him, so Klai should take good care of them. They must be returned to their owner in their original condition, unblemished by anything.
Especially... his tears.
But then... the tears he tried to hold back fall onto the review notes of the person he’s secretly loved for so long. Klai hurriedly grabs a tissue to wipe the teardrops from the paper, then uses the back of his hand to wipe the tear stains from his cheek.
Klai thought he had quickly wiped the tears from Phii Shin’s exam summary, but the tears born of heartbreak seeped deeply and swiftly, the content was thus stained with traces of his sorrow.
In the end… Klai let himself cry without holding back. The reason he didn’t want to cry often was that he didn’t want to see himself weak for too long. But Klai also understood that a fresh, newly inflicted wound couldn’t heal in just a few hours. Yet, there was one thing that could ease the pain, even just a little… That thing was
“Tears.”
He wasn’t any bigger than others, so why did he have so many tears? Perhaps because the unstoppable flood of tears was distilled from the pain deep within his heart.
That’s why there were so many…
His slender hands pressed against his wet, warm eyes. Klai thought he had cried too much and tried to stop by pressing his palms against his eyelids. He applied more pressure until it hurt slightly. Klai wasn’t trying to hurt himself; he just hoped the tears would stop.
But they wouldn’t stop.
They kept flowing like that all night… until he fell asleep.
Three days after the exam, his mental state began to improve. Klai messaged Phii Shin to return the exam summary. Phii Shin said he’d pick it up during lunch break at the cafeteria. So, Klai sat eating lunch with Kant while waiting. Since confessing his feelings that day, Phii Shin hadn’t joined the two of them for meals, rarely replied to messages, and didn’t answer calls. But Klai wasn’t angry with Phii Shin.
The truth was… he had no right to be angry with Phii Shin.
He had no right to demand anything…
Klai…
The one called looked up. “Phii Max.”
“Yeah, it’s me… Shin asked me to pick up his notes.”
“Where’s Phii Shin, Phii Max?” Kant, sitting across from him, asked.
“Sitting at the table in front of the noodle shop. I asked why he didn’t come sit with us, but he didn’t answer…” Phii Max sighed before continuing, “Did you guys fight or something?”
Klai thought there was no better answer than… “Not exactly.”
“Then what’s going on?”
“Phii Max, you should take the notes back to Phii Shin. He might be waiting,” Kant said, grabbing the exam summary from Klai’s hand and shoving it into Phii Max’s, who frowned slightly.
“Fine… I’ll go.”
Klai sighed after Phii Max walked away. He didn’t know how to respond. He didn’t dare say more because Phii Shin hadn’t told his friends about this. Klai shouldn’t say anything either.
“Dude, you okay?”
“I’m okay.”
“Your mouth says okay… but your heart’s not okay.”
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